From a young age, we noticed that Carter didn't play well with others. When he was 2 or 3, he would parallel play, play next to another child but not with them. This isn't so out of the ordinary for little kids, but as Carter got older it continued. He really didn't have any friends. I would make play dates with my friends and that's who his friends were. I think there were two boys that he played with regularly and often Carter would cry when I would drop him off. He was 3 1/2 - 4 years old by this time. The crying didn't throw me off, but Carter never got excited that these two boys would come over to our house. Not a big deal either. I figured that he was a boy and just wasn't as social as Kamryn was.
We have a plethora of boys in our neighbor hood. Too many, really! We need some more girls according to Kamryn. When Carter was 5 years old-ish, he would see the boys outside, get excited and shout out he wanted to go play with his "friends." He never called the kids by their names and I doubted that he knew their names at the time. He would run out and bounce into the middle of whatever was happening, start shouting to be heard and try to get every one's attention. He was only interested in playing when everything was on his own terms and if he didn't like what everyone else was playing he would do his own thing, but would usually try and still get attention. For example, if the boys were playing catch, he would ride his scooter, bike or whatever, through the group and shout things - "Hey look at me!" sort of comments.
He just didn't seem to understand how to play. When Kamryn would have her girlfriends come over, Carter would always try and be with them. This always ended up with lots of arguments. I would ask Carter if he wanted to invite a friend over and the answer was always "No." I can count on one hand how many times he ever answered "Yes" to that question. I stopped asking so frequently. I always thought that it was a bit strange that he never wanted a friend to come over, but if we had friends come over who happened to have a boy Carter's age then he was all excited to show them something or say something. He just seemed off in the playing scheme of things. Even if he had a friend over, often Carter would leave the kid doing whatever and be in a totally different area of the house. Sometimes in his room all by himself. He wouldn't ask the friend to come with him, he would just wander off.
This is still very much the case today. So when we found out about Carter's diagnosis, this was part of the "symptoms," if you will. Not being able to tune in naturally to other people make it difficult for him to take turns or play cooperatively. In a book I've read, it says that AS kids can feel confused about what people are doing, or what is expected of them. Thus, they are afraid to join in with games even if the child wants to be friendly. Sometimes things go too fast and they end up feeling muddled about what to do. This is why Carter likes to play on HIS terms and choose the rules. It's not because he's bossy, he just feels safer and less confused this way.
AS kids will often entertain themselves because they are "in-charge" and it's just easier. I have always said that Carter was never one who needed any entertaining. He always will find something to do. He is the easiest kid to have home and he will never bother you or pester you. Because of this, I never pushed the friends on him. It was easier not too.
Carter's tutors help him with this. I never thought a tutor would be useful in helping a child learn to play. Go figure! They teach him codes of conduct, how to explain rules, how to take turns and be patient. And best of all they teach him how to be a good loser. All of this happens in our home where everything can be controlled. The next big lesson will be to apply the "rules" among his peers. One time the tutors had Carter call a friend and ask him to come over to play. We realized the phone skills need some help, but all the "rules" went out the door when the friend came over. Carter had to be reminded a couple times by his tutor to let his friend choose what to do and not take charge of the situation.
This is something that I think will always be difficult, but with time can be made easier. I saw a clip on
You Tube where Dr. Tony Attwood, an Asperger's specialist, described Asperger's perfectly. He basicly said that people don't suffer from Asperger's. They suffer from other people.
Sunday May 9th 2010 - Mother's Day. We had a fabulous Mother's Day! I felt bad that I wasn't with my kids, but I got over that real quick :) We started out the day waking up to a beautiful sunrise, as we did every morning. We sat outside and read and talked (as we did every morning - nobody slept in) until it was time to go to church.
At church we had a lovely sacrament meeting that included a very mournful woman who confessed that she hadn't sung the song she was about to sing to us since her mother had passed away several years ago. I think it was entitled, "Ma ma ma Mother, I Love You." It was a little awkward, but she got through it and now we have nice song to sing every Mother's Day or any day for that matter. As we left we were handed long stem roses. I was hoping for some yummy chocolate or macadamia nuts, but roses are great too! 
After sacrament meeting we headed to brunch. I cannot remember the name of this little bakery and restaurant, but it is soooo good! Just the regular pancakes are to die for!!
It was a gorgeous day and we couldn't wait to get out to the beach for some sun. This picture is of Benn throwing the football with Cory or Ben. We were waiting for the others to come over to our sweet condo so we could walk to Shipwreck Beach. And there was also a pool right outside our "lanai" that we took advantage of as well. Ahhh, such a relaxing day!!
