Just something interesting to me

Benn and I moved the rest of our belongings from our Vegas home to SLC over Memorial weekend.  It was a rough go for the first several hours.  This was MY house, MY home.  I loved this house.  It fit our family just right.  It was perfect for us.  It was a happy home and often I would day-dream about what furniture I would put where and how I would make the perfect looking home.  The home had so much potential.  I was in love with this home.  But we had to go our separate ways :(

I had pictures that came with Christmas cards that have been taped inside my cupboard door for the last three years (I would rotate them since I only had room for three years worth).  This was difficult to remove these pictures.  As I tore them down, I wondered about so many friends that I had made.  What were they doing now and if they were happy.  I actually called one of those friends whom I hadn't talked to in about 2 years.  It was fun to catch up.  I considered keeping the pictures, but I don't have anywhere to put them right now, seeing that I'm homeless.  I have all the pictures from Xmas 2010, hoping to move into a house and tape them in a cupboard before too long.

So that was one thing I hated tearing down or packing up.  The other was this.

Carter had this in his room.  I can't remember when he taped it up, but I always thought it was interesting.  A boy that really doesn't have "friends" like the rest of us do.  We call our friends, we hang out with our friends, we might even have a best friend.  Carter doesn't.  It's difficult for him in this regard and I don't totally understand it.

The other day, he played for several hours with 3 boys in the neighborhood.  I didn't even call him home for lunch fearing that his playing would end.  He didn't call them up to play nor did they call him.  Carter saw them outside and joined them somehow.  These boys are nice to him and accept him.  After the day was over, I asked Carter if he had fun.  He responded that he did.  I tried to explain to him that the days wouldn't be so boring if he would play with some friends.

The next day came and 2 of the boys left out of town.  Carter was bored.  I asked if he wanted a friend to come swimming.  He said "No".  Of course.  Well, I went behind his back and called one over anyway. Wow!  He was a bit mad at me and he didn't want to get his suit on when the boy came over all ready to swim.  I knew that if he got into the pool he would be fine, which he eventually was.

I wish I had some insight into his mind.  He can't explain why he doesn't want a friend to come over, and he couldn't explain why he taped this fortune onto the wall in his bedroom long ago.  It's very interesting to me.  He is very interesting to me.  All I can make of it is that he is just like the rest of us, needing friends, but he doesn't feel comfortable going about making those relationships like the rest of us.  Maybe he trusts in this fortune that he will have friends when he needs them.

I didn't remove this fortune.  I thought I would leave it for the new family moving in soon.  But now that I am writing, I am certain the new owners will just remove this worthless piece of paper and throw it away.  I would like it back and I want to tape it to Carter's wall again, right by his bed where he lays his head.  Like where it was in his old room.  I think he would like that since he took the time to put it up in the first place some time ago.

**Update - 24 hours later**


Got a text from my realtor and friend who I asked to retrieve the fortune.  This is what it said,

"I got it.  I understand why u wanted it.  I will send it in the mail tomorrow."

Thanks Coleen!  You're the best!!!!

The Last Year

Some people are negative people and love to whine about their lives.  Some people are positive people and have a wonderfully optimistic perspective on everything.  Some people try to pretend that everything is lovely even when things are not so.  Some people hide when life gives lemons.  

I don't know what kind of person I am.  I just know that the last year has been difficult and I don't think things are going to get easier for our family anytime soon.  It's really hard when, life as you've known for the last 11 years turns upside down.  And even though it's been a year, I am still yet to figure it all out.  

I like to plan.  I no longer have a plan.  There are a lot of things I don't have anymore to come to think of it.  I have a house, but we don't live there, nor will we again.  Our furniture is there, but we arn't.  Some day soon that will change.  We will have to make the final move out of our house this summer.  I don't look forward to that day.  Change is hard to take sometimes.

Kids are resiliant.  Me?  Not so much.  It's touch and go some days.  I have a hard time letting go of some things.  My sister told me today to let go of the Hawaii trip that we took last year.  I can't.  Things were good last May 7-15.  May 17th 2010 sucked!!!!

That was the day Benn lost his job.  Six months earlier, he lost a good job.  A year before that, Benn's company, went under.  

Almost immediately after Benn lost his job for the second time, we decided to go back to school.  Benn applied to Westminister College's MBA program, got accepted and we moved in with my parents the begining of August 2010.

During May-July, Benn worked valet at a new condo high-rise at Vegas' City Center.  There were a total of 6 residents at the time.  His shift was 11pm-7am.  He didn't park many cars, if any.  It was hard to see him leave to work as I was going to bed and watch him crawl into bed as I was getting the kids to school.  He made a lousy pay-check.  I taught my swim lessons and we got through the summer.  

My neighbor wanted to throw a "good-bye" party for the kids.  We did it the second to last day of school,  Wednesday Aug. 3.  I made an email invite for the kids and put a Miley Cyrus song to it.  'Time Of Our Lives.'  The day before the party, I heard that song while I was in the shower and I cried.  The day of the party I woke up with the song 'Let it Be' in my head.  I put that as my Facebook status.  

After the party, some of my girlfriends took me out for my birthday, which was the week before, and as a last farewell, I guess.  I was nervous to go and kind of didn't want to.  How do you say good-bye to friends?  I tried to remember it wasn't really good bye since we were planning on coming down in a couple weeks.  I had a great time.  We laughed and talked late into the night, sitting at a table in Town Square.  I really hate good-byes.

Then we moved the last day of school, August 4.  At first it seemed like an extended vacation.  We went to Lake Powell days after we moved up.  Weeks later, we went to Southern California for an austic surf camp, Surfer's Healing.  We also went to Disneyland and hit the beach.  We also visited our home in Las Vegas and saw some friends.

School started for Benn.  School started for the kids.  I cried every day as I would walk to school with them.  Tears run down my face as I think about it.  I didn't like my new ward.  I cried when I was introduced in Relief Society.  I cried when I had to talk in church.  A lot of crying, I guess.  But it was only for moments at a time.

Benn looked for jobs.  I looked for jobs.  They were hard to come by.  I was being paid by my sister to watch her 3 kids 2 days a week.  Finally one sleepless night at 1:00am, I desperately applied online to all the Gap jobs availible in the SLC area.  Banana Republic, Gap, Old Navy.  All of them.  The next day Gap Outlet in Park City called.  A week later I was working 30 hrs. a week at Gap Outlet.  It was exhausting!!!  That was October 2010.  I missed my family.  Kamryn didn't like me being gone all the time.  I hated it.  I also started cleaning my Dad's office on the weekends.  

Benn did odd jobs for neighbors and finally was promised a job with a contractor when their project started.  Was suppossed to start in January.  But consistent with construction, the job started months later.  

My parents are awesome!  They have helped us out tremendously and I can't thank them enough.  But as much as we all love each other, sometimes love is better when it's given some distance.  Moving out into a rental doesn't seem to be in the cards right now, though.  So we will continue to mesh our lives together and hopefully not kill anyone in the meantime.

I was really proud of myself.  My emotional break didn't come until 6 months after our move.  The straw that broke the camel's back was a text from Benn early one Thursday morning in February, while I was opening the Gap store.  It read, "Burb needs a new battery."  That was all it took.  I started crying and couldn't stop.  My manager told me to go home, but I couldn't.  I needed the meager money it provided.  I sucked it up enough to get through what was left of my nine hour shift.  When I got home the water works started again.  It was about 9pm when my Dad sat me down to "talk."  He got an earful.  I talked for 2 hours and went through a box of tissues.  Anything and everything came out of my mouth.  Worries, fears, frustrations, all mixed in with a ton of anger.

I took a sleeping pill that night (they are my best friend some nights) and woke up the next day not feeling any better.  Probably caused I looked and felt like crap.

I've had smaller melt downs, but none as emotional as that one.

Benn loves school.  He is doing so well and it makes me happy that is he enjoying it.  I love him!  Even though we have had and contine to have trials, we work through them together well.  We don't fight really.  We just pick each other up when we need to.  He is mostly picking me up, though.

My kids make me happy.  I love that they are happy.  Although last weekend we walked outside and Carter yelled, "I hate it here!  Can we move back to Las Vegas?"  The weather was cold and it was frustrating him.  It's been a long and cold winter/spring.  I felt the same way!  But truly, the kids are thriving here.  I would even consider staying permanently in my parent's ward because they like the neighborhood so well.  I don't know if we will be so fortunate though.

My sister's are my friends.  We are together a lot since we all live so close.  I have had one "girl's" night with some gals in the ward.  And Benn and I have been out once with some couples too.  We kind of stick to the family.  It's too easy to do that.  When you make friends I feel like we have explain our situation, but most peole hear we are from Vegas, Benn is in construction, and they put two and two together.  It's a no brainer, really.

The funny thing is, for the longest time, I thought that since we were doing our best to be good member's of the church, that we wouldn't be the ones to loose the job, loose the house.  But now I know that trials come to all at all different times.  It may not be loosing a job/house for some people, but it is or will be something.  Nobody gets to go through life livin' on easy street. 

Benn is waiting to see if he can get a loan for summer semester tuition.  I'm not worried.  If he gets the money, he will take two classes.  If he doesn't get the money, then he will have to be in school for longer and his expected graduation will be a bit later.  Oh well.  It will work out.  It always does... it will work out how it's supposed to work out.  

Faith.  It's hard sometimes, but I'm tryin'. 

Hawaii Day 7 - Kipu Falls

Although this is not our last day in Hawaii, it is the last day anyone took pictures apparently. Day 8 was the day we checked out and caught the red-eye flight home, but we had plenty of time to play and take pictures, so not sure what happened there.

Anyway, We went to Kipu Falls on Day 7 which is a fun place. It is a quick drive from Poipu, so everyone was happy about that. At the falls, there is a rope swing that is fun and exhilerating to do. The drop is very high and if you don't land just right in the water, then you can end up slapping some part of your body or give yourself an enema! I did the rope swing twice then hurt a couple toes climbing back up, which caused me much pain for the rest of the trip. Limping with three swollen and throbbing toes for 3 days was such the highlight, but at least I didn't lose any toe nails!

This is me peeking out just before swinging out.

You can't tell from the pictures how far of a drop it is, just let me assure you that it really gets your heart pumping!

Ben and Kerry climbing up the ladder after doing the swing.

After we were done at the Falls, we laid back at the Waiohai and took lots of pictures, most of which won't be posted since they were mostly really cheezy!

My cute sister, Jody. I love this picture! Even though she is 6 months pregnant here, she looks great!

At some point during the trip, I told Benn that I would like a pina colada from a kind caring person, who would buy it for me, but not tell me how much money was spent on it because that would ruin it for me. So the last full day of our trip with my toes killing me while I try to soak in some more sun, Benn walks up with a strawberry daquari. A close second to pina colada, but I may have actually said mixed drink. I truly can't remember. Just happy to have my drink. Although, when the credit card bill came, I did find out how much that drink cost. Really??? Why so much?

This is Duke's. It has come to be a tradition to dine here on our last evening on the island. We all look forward to this meal, but it is a little bitter-sweet since we know that the next day we leave. This meal did not disappoint! Mmmm, so good!!

My fabulous parents

All the guys posing with their Hula Pies. Another yummy tradition.

Walking around the Marriott Beach Club in Lihue where Duke's is located

I just realized that this is the only picture of the very last day. We ate at the Marriott Beach Club before we got on the airplane. This is all the ladies in front of the Koi Pond.

Until Next time...

Christmas Letter 2010

Merry Christmas! Since we are back to college life and living on loans, we are being super frugal these days, and that includes the Christmas letter. I can think of many words to describe the last 18 months... crazy, fun, unexpected, sad, down-right rotten, lonely, happy. One would think our lives are quite bi-polar these days. It all started with my Dad being diagnosed with cancer back in the summer of 2009. Then Benn lost his job with KHS&S in the fall of that same year and Carter was diagnosed with Asperger's as well. We didn't send out Xmas cards that year. I guess I was sort of a scrooge a year ago, and now I still feel a bit the same way, but I miss my friends this holiday. So I thought I would do this through the world wide web, save some $$$ and hopefully get some Xmas cards in return.

So to summarize 2010, I would have to start with Benn. Soon after he was let go from KHS&S Contractors, he found another job with a much smaller "mom & pop" contractor, Pier Construction. He was able to work with them for six months and then was let go as well. That was back in May. Almost immediately we thought that he should return to school to further his education. We had tossed around the idea before, but now it made more sense. Construction jobs in Vegas were at a 54% unemployment rate, so with those odds, Benn applied to Westminster's MBA program in Salt Lake City. Surprisingly to him, not me, he got accepted. During the summer he worked odd jobs and did valet as well. In August when the kids were done with school we moved just the basics with us SLC. We are currently staying with my parents who have welcomed us in. They have been so accommodating to us as we have for sure turned their lives upside down!!! It has been an adjustment on everyone's part, but I think we have some normality now.

Benn really likes his classes and is using most of his time to study, which is paying off, as far as his grades go. He is still looking for a job, and helping out the neighbors with home improvements in the mean time. Unfortunately, basketball has come to a halt. There does not seem to be a group in SLC quite like the Vegas boys who would get together every Tuesday night at the stake center to hoop it up. Just one of things missed about our Vegas home.

Kamryn was most upset at the news were were going to move, as was expected. But I have to say that she has adjusted quite well, as I knew she would! She has made some good friends and seems to be liking her new school. She still takes piano, and thanks to her "Pa," she and Carter are learning to snowboard this winter. They have had one lesson so far, to which she commented that she had the cutest board there. That's my girl! Kamryn is also doing a fair share of babysitting for her aunts and uncles. She loves spending time with her younger cousins.

Carter also took the news that we were moving pretty hard. He was most upset about leaving his school and his tutor, Desi. Those were my same concerns with Carter as well. We left an amazing school with amazing teachers who knew Carter and helped him and cared for him. And Desi, his tutor, was really part of the family by the time we announced we were moving. We miss her terribly. But, we have found good people here in SLC. There are a couple older boys who have taken a liking to Carter. They invite him to go play roller-hockey, ride bikes and rip-stick. He likes the attention and we are still working on his social skills. Now that we know about Carter's Asperger's, it helps explain several things, but at the same time, it's hard to know how to help him and who to go to for help. Fortunately, there have been many helpful people here. The elementary school has programs and aids to help kids such as Carter. His teacher is also proving to be very accommodating. She is mindful of Carter and the challenges he has.

Other than that, Carter is still the same kid and we wouldn't change his uniqueness for anything! We love that he can impersonate the comedian, Brian Regan, perfectly, rattle off a bunch of facts about tornadoes and the weather, and can play Band Hero like he's the lead guitar in a rock band. He has been very brave when we signed him up for a surf camp this summer and also when he went snowboarding for the first time. He also tackled the first weeks of school without any complaint. He loves riding his bike to and from school and the freedom he has to ride down to the church to play or go to scouts.

Mason also enjoys tagging along with Carter down to the church to ride bikes, he just needs to remember to stay on the side of the road and wear a helmet! Mason was the most excited to move to SLC, although I don't think he realized what that meant. A couple weeks later he told me that we have to go back to Las Vegas because his friend, Cole, misses him. Mase started kindergarten and has loved it from the first day. He loves doing his homework and insists that we pack him a lunch like we do, Kam and Carter, even though he is in morning kindergarten! He loves to play with his cousin, Beckham, and has made a good neighbor friend as well. Mason still loves to wear his cowboy boots with any and all outfits. But now that there's snow on the ground he wears his snow-boots every day.

Here are the things I miss: Church with the Seven Hills Ward, warm weather, Elise L Wolff teachers, all my friends from living 11 years in the same area, my kids friends, basketball Tuesdays, my house, a paycheck, my husband working, running along Coronado, being a full-time mom, the Christmas cards that would come every year (and hopefully will this year too!), tennis with James every week.

Here are the things I am enjoying: Being with my family, the fall season, the snow, seeing my kids thrive despite the state of our lives, Benn going to school, running at Sugarhouse Park, watching Kam and Carter snowboard, catching up with long time friends.

Since July of 2009, I feel like I have aged quite a bit. I feel tired and worn out a lot. I keep thinking that things can't get worse, but then something happens that makes me realize that it can always get worse. I need to make the most of what is going on now. I talk myself through my many blessing almost every night. Some perks of the last while have been the Hawaii trip this past May. That was definitely the highlight of the year (if you've been reading my blog, I'm sure you can tell!) We did have a couple trips to Lake Powell, which is always good for brightening my spirits. I taught swim lessons during the summer and was very sad to leave my clients and their kids.

Since moving to SLC, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I cried everyday for the first week of school, cause that meant we really weren't on some sort of extended vacation. When those down times come, I give myself a minute or two of self pity then try to move on (Thanks for the advice, Stacy!). I know this is where the Brindley Family is supposed to be right now, but that doesn't make it any easier. I am so glad I am in love with Benn!! We continue to laugh together and have fun with our kids. It's funny how simple our lives are now, but at the same time, so much more stressful!

I am so grateful to my parents for their unconditional love and endless support and encouragement. We are making the most of our time together and hopefully one day we will look back on this time with good memories of Pa telling the boys bedtime stories and Nana helping Kamryn with her piano, sharing meals together & FHE (family home evening) and sitting together at church each Sunday.... Yes, we will reminisce while dining together at the Beach House Restaurant in Kauai. A treat to my wonderful parents, not only a great meal but a vacation in paradise. All because Benn will have a KICK A** job in 10 years and we can afford to do so! A girl can dream, right?

Alright, enough about us, we want to hear from our friends, so please send us your Christmas cards to our new address:

2608 Hillside Pines Circle

Salt Lake City, Utah 84109

Day 6 - My Favorite Beach of All Time

Thurs. May 13th - Barking Sands/Polihale.

We are not certain what this beach is called. We call it Barking Sands, but on maps it's also called Palihale State Park. This beach isn't too frequented by tourists. The conditions to get there are not the best. It's about an hour drive from Poipu and the last half of the drive almost makes you forget that there is a beautiful beach at the end of the dirt road. The last 30 minutes you bounce around in the mini-vans, feeling like you are gonna puke because of the large pot holes and washboard conditions of the unpaved road. And just before you get to the beach, you think, "Is this beach really worth it?". Then you get there and... YES it is!!! It's on the "hot" part of the island so if you ever go, make sure you go in the morning!

First of all, I have to say that this picture above is one of my favorites of the trip. I love this beach and I love the Mountains in the background. I love the blue sky and the perfect day that it was. I love my sisters who are in the picture as well as my dad. But most of all I love the expression on my Dad's face. I know he was looking forward to this trip for a long time and was just as excited as the rest of us to go (maybe even more). His expression to me is one of happiness and contentment. Being with his kids, having fun, making memories for eight days. Not to mention, being in paradise. He looks calm, relaxed and content. That is a such a wonderful state to be in!

The was a steep drop off from the beach to the water, which made a great conditions for Ben to buried.

The flip flops are always on the list of things to buy in Hawaii. They are great flippers and very inexpensive too. Longs Drug and Walmart are the favorite places to buy these treasures. Maybe they aren't that great, but the Rosander's love 'em and all the colors they come in!

Just thought this was a cute picture with everyone standing the exact same way :)

This is Jody's view of her feet at the time

Super cool boogie boarding boys!

It's become a bit of tradition now to stop for lunch at McDonald's on the way back to Poipu after we have had our fun at Barking Sands. I'm pretty sure there were 12 #1's ordered that afternoon (12 Big Mac's, fries, and diet cokes!) Sounds gross I know, but it was sooooo goooood!

Day 5 - Tour of Napali Coast

Chelsey, Mark, Lindsay, Kris, Benn, Amy, Dad, Mom, Ben & Kerry

Tues. May 11th - This day we were fortunate to go on a catamaran tour of the Napali Coast.  It was the most perfect day for a boat ride.  The water was calm and there was not even a slight breeze (until we were headed back into the harbor at the end of the tour).  Despite perfect conditions, my pregnant sister, Jody, was unable to go on the boat tour... apparently being pregnant is one of those heath conditions that doesn't allow you access to the boat tour.  Who knew?  So Jody and Cory ended up relaxing at the Waiohai all day.  We were shown beaches that were only accessible by boats and some of which have been used in movies like, "7 Days and 7 Nights" with Anne Heche and Harrison Ford.  The coast line was gorgeous!!!  There are really no words to describe it.  An amazing day!

Benn & Amy

Kris, Amy , Kerry, Ben & Mark

Hawaii - Day 4

May 10th - Queen's Bath, Hanalei Bay, Secret Beach & Keoki's.

Today was the designated day to head toward the north part of the island which takes about an hour from where we were staying. It's a gorgeous drive and nobody minds the time it takes to get up there, but we really packed it in this day. This was Ben Fogg's first time with us, so we had to do some repeats, like Queen's Bath. Last time we were there as a Rosander Family the current was quite strong, but today the "pool" was very calm and many were there jumping and snorkeling around.

We are all at the top of the trail ready to head towards Queen's Bath. Not sure what Benn and Cory are doin' here.

Jody and Cory

Kris and Lindsay

Mark and Chelsey

After Queen's Bath we got drinks and went to a beach we never had been too before, Hanalei Bay, to eat lunch. Not my favorite beach, especially with the dead carcass wrapped in a garbage sack stinkin up the place. We sat upwind. The view was nice and it was a great beach for young kids, but since we had no young kids with us, we ate and left.

Benn coolin' off at Hanalei Bay

Lunch at Hanalei Bay

We made a stop at one of our favorite beaches, Secret Beach. The waves were not too bad so we stayed for a while. If you click on the picture you can see the lighthouse in the background. Its a gorgeous beach, so I decided to show my gorgeous sister and her "euro" outfitted husband.

Kerry and Ben

Feeling beat and ready to eat at Keoki's.