You need never be discouraged or afraid. The way through difficulties has always been prepared for you and you will find it if you exercise faith.This is my new theme for life.
I left Salt Lake August 3rd only to be home in Vegas for five days until I went back for Kerry's endowment session and wedding festivities. My Dad was scheduled for surgery the day after I left. His kidney and tumor were removed laproscopicly, which is amazing to me. The doctor said the surgery went well and he was hopeful that my Dad would be feeling better to be able to attend the temple session on Saturday with my sister. My sisters, Jody and Kerry, and my Mom were at the hospital when my dad came out of surgery. They told me that Dad was cracking them up while he was coming out of the anesthesia and that being the case actually brightened eveyone's mood.
My Dad was released from the hospital Wednesday morning. I tried calling him Tuesday, Wednesday, actually all week, I had tried to talk to my Dad. Every day I would call and my Mom would tell me that he was resting or unable to talk. I was worried about my Dad.
I went to dinner with some friends the night after my Dad's surgery. One of my friends was speaking of a difficult time in her life, when I began to fight off tears. I had been thinking about my Dad all day and hearing about this good friend's trying experience set me off. The table of friends wondered why I was crying so out came the story. If felt good to finally talk to someone on the "outside" although I think I put a severe damper on the night.
My Dad wasn't healing as quickly as expected. I talked to my brother Kris and he said that Dad would just sit in his chair, eyes closed, and breathe heavily. He didn't watch TV and he couldn't talk very well because he had been intubated during surgery. The pain meds were wiping him out. The doctor told him he needed to eat and move in order to get better, but how could he when he was so drugged? I was antsy to get up to SLC again and see my Dad. As a side note, that I won't go into, I have other stressors going on in my life that seemed to add to my unstable emotional state. Soooo... when my Mom called Thursday night to tell me that they were going to post-pone Kerry's endowment session until the following Tuesday to give my Dad more time to recover and that I need not come up until Monday, I was devestated! I knew that coming up and staying at my parent's home with my three energetic kids might add to my Mom's stress level. But I was thinking of myself and I needed to leave, to get out of my house, to see my Dad, to talk to my Dad. Again, I cried much that night not knowing what to do. I wanted so badly to head North and get out of my house. I wanted my Dad to recover and be at the temple with the rest of us. I wanted some control of my life. I had to realize that I'm not the one in control.
The next morning, Friday morning, I woke up with large puffy eyes and a headache. I walked into Carter's room after getting out of bed. He was zipping up a large suitcase. He told me he had packed and was ready to go to Salt Lake once school let out that day. He had packed every article of clothing that was in his closet and drawers! When I told him that we might not be going to Salt Lake, he started to cry and I did too. How could I get a grip when I started the day out that way?
I started getting Kamryn and Carter ready for their last day of school, promising them that we would be going somewhere when I picked them up at 12:20pm. For some reason I felt the need to get rid of Mason that morning too. I texted a friend before 8am and asked if the offer to watch Mason that day was still good. Earlier in the week she had asked if Mason could come over Friday, but I had told her that we would be leaving that day, so it probably wouldn't work out. She was one of my angels that day. She quickly responded that Mason would be welcome at her house. So away I went. Mason was on her front door step in Anthem Highlands at 8:30am. She really did me a favor. I needed time to think and work out my plan for the day without someone at my feet acting like a moose or horse or tiger or whatever animal Mason was pretending to be that day.
Right away I got on the phone. I called my Grandpa's wife to see if I could stay in St. George at their condo for the weekend. That didn't work. I tried calling my friend in Phoenix to see if she would like some company for the weekend, but I couldn't get a hold of her. I was desperate to find somewhere to go even if it wasn't North. I felt frantic and my emotions showed it. I thought about shacking up at my sister's house near my parents home, but that would require sleeping on the floor. Not my style, but I would do it to get out of here.
I can't remember if Jody called me or I called her, but she asked before I could. Did I want to stay with her? Of course I did. Now crying because my plan consisted of the very thing I wanted, going to SLC, I tried to get packed and run the errands I needed to do before leaving town. First thing first... I needed a fountain diet coke. I sat in front of Chevron on the phone crying to a friend trying to explain my plight before I could go in and perk myself up with a little caffine. I was such a mess. Now I didn't know how I was going to drive six hours to SLC with my kids and no husband. I was drained and it was only 9:30am!
Benn wanted to come home before I left, so I took that opportunity to have him give me a blessing. I needed some peace and reassurance pronto! I am so grateful for the priesthood. I wish I would have had a blessing sooner. Maybe I wouldn't have been such a complete disaster the previous two weeks. Everything's fine one minute and completely wrong the next. Up and down, down and up. That is how my mood was at that time and it was not plesant. I don't remember a thing Benn said in the blessing he gave me, but I did make it up to Salt Lake without injury. Despite my emotional (crazy!) state, I was very awake and calm on my drive up to SLC. I was able to listen to MY music while all the kids had ear phones on, which did wonders to my soul! I sang my favorite songs - songs that I listened to in college and high school. When does that ever happen? Ohhhh, I loved that drive up.
To be continued... again...
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