The Reality of it All...

I clearly have been on a hiatus with the blogging world, but not because our lives are dull, but because I don't really think that anyone cares to hear of my latest news or interesting things I've learned. So here's the thing that is bugging me... I really do want everyone to know and listen and hear me out! I think this stems from the fact that when I'm sick, I want everyone to know I'm sick and give me love and attention, but this is a bit different, cause it involves my cool kid, Carter. Ever since his diagnosis, I want everyone to know about it and learn just like I'm learning. Maybe because I feel like then ya'll will know Carter a bit better and maybe be able to sympathize with him or help him by talking to your kids about Carter. So going forward, I may be posting a lot about Carter and all things associated with him. Read or don't, but this is going to be free therapy for me!

Also, I want to remember the things I am learning because maybe someday I can help someone else, because dealing with Asperger's Sydrome causes me to feel quite alone. I don't have close friends who I can relate to with this, but I have met some other Mom's. One in particular.

Stacia.
On Carter's basketball team this year, was a kid who I taught swim lessons to years ago. I happened to teach his older two siblings as well. During one game, I got to talking to the mother, Stacia. Come to find out her oldest has Asperger's. So of course I started to ask her tons of questions. But what I wanted to know most of all was how he was doing right now, at the age of 13. You see, kids with Asperger's have a very high likelihood of becoming depressed as they become more aware that they are different from their peers and on top of that they are also major targets for bullying. Stacia said that they are dealing with those two realities right now. My heart dropped and I felt very down the rest of the day. I have read some accounts of kids with AS and all talk about the bullying and depression, and now to finally talk with someone who is going through it made it much more real. Her son was recently suspended from school because he bit a bully that was two years older than him that was choking him. Two teachers had to pull the bigger kid off Stacia's son. Stacia said that it would be easier for her son, in a way, to have down-syndrome because then everyone would know there was something wrong with him. And he wouldn't have the mentality to realize that he's being picked on. Her words, not mine, but I completely understood.

When Carter was younger he would get poked fun at by the boys in the neighborhood, but he didn't realize that he was being the butt of a joke. He would do silly things that weren't normal by any means, and still does. That is just who he is. His mind works so differently than the rest of us. It's so frustrating and heart-breaking at other times. Associated with AS is ADD and OCD, both of which Carter has. Homework is so stressful, explaining things rationally that other people just get is frustrating. All of which can ruin my day and everyone else's at the same time.

But then there are the times when I just want to keep him to myself and not let anyone hurt him. Like this past week, when he said he wanted to play 4-square at recess but nobody would play with him. And yesterday, when he said of three neighbor boys, "I guess they aren't my friends anymore 'cause they are being mean." An I thought, well at least you know they are being mean... This week, these two events didn't bother him in the slightest, at least he didn't show it. But there are other times, when he comes running in crying, with his feelings hurt because someone is laughing at him. And they probably have good reason to laugh. Like yesterday, when it was raining and he was out riding his scooter with his blue swim goggles on! Of course the girls are going to laugh, it's funny! Benn tried to show him how silly he looked by taking the goggles off Carter and put them on him. I think he may have understood after that. Carter doesn't get it when he's being made fun of or when others think he's just funny. It's very hard to witness sometimes.

Here's the Reality.
Carter is different. He will most likely be bullied in school more than what he gets in the neighbor hood as of right now. He will most likely become depressed. He will struggle with "fitting in" all his life.

Here's what we are doing right now.

We have Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) tutors coming into our home roughly 10 hours a week to work with Carter. They go over how to have a conversation. How to play games with others and behave well. They reinforce good behavior. They help him understand his homework and work more efficiently.

Carter sees a psychiatrist each month for his ADD. We are currently on our second medication, trying to help him focus better in school and at home. But it needs adjusting cause he is having a hard time going to sleep at night. That is something that I will tackle next week.

We were seeing a psychologist for some other therapy, but I had a bad session and haven't gone back for three months. Anyone know any therapists that deal well with Asperger's, I'm all ears.

My Goals.

For Carter to be happy. I do not want a depressed child and the ugly scenarios that may come with such a fate. I want Carter to fit in. I want Carter to find a long time friend who will take the time to understand him and help him. I want Carter to do well in school and feed his interests. I want him to go to college and the whole schbang. I want everything that most parents want for their kids. Hopefully with the right help and good friends and family, this will be his reality.